She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
