just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
