I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
