Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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