it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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