I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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