We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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