I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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