so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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