I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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