So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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