either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
