Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize