There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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