if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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