how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
