Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
