I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
