I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think i have two assholes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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