So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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