Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
not ubering you a puppy
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize