I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
