apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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