I just cut my nipple shaving
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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