Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
