In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
