all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize