I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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