So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
