Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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