you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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