who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize