They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
