I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's official drugs can't kill me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
