I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize