I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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