if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
