Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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