he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
