Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
