i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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