I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
