I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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