My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
