my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
