this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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