Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
