she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
