I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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