matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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