I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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