I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
