Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
