I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
