peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
