Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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