The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
