well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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