So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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