What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
