The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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