Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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