I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
