btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
