I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
