He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize