You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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