Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
