That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
