is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
