We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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