I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize