the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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