just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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