im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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